I was going through some old papers and came across the text of a letter I wrote to Elder Boyd K. Packer of the quorum of the 12 apostles.  I am posting it here as a way of preserving it for historical purposes:

circa 1991

Nancy Orton

10526 Whitney Way

Cupertino, CA  95014

 

Elder Boyd K. Packer

Church Office Building

Salt Lake City, UT

 

Dear Elder Packer,

 

I have been impressed to write to you concerning my experience several years ago with Joanne Fjerstad, a young beehive girl in my Mutual class, who was sexually abused by her father.  Two years ago, I was asked by my Stake President to write a letter relating my experience.  But, at the time, I was not ready emotionally.  It was simply too hard to bring it all up again. 

 

They say that times heals all wounds and time has healed mine.  And so, I write to you with the hope that it will be a catalyst for change.  I am worried that such problems are becoming increasingly prevalent.

 

Joanne came from what I thought was a good Latter-Day Saint home.  Although her parents divorced when she was five because of her mother’s schizophrenia, Joanne appeared to be in good hands.  She attended church regularly, participated as my class president, eagerly shared her many talents, and received good marks at school.  Although her endless giggling and silliness were at times wearing, I loved Joanne and knew she would soon blossom into the kind of girl every Young Women’s teacher dreams of.  I express these feelings so that you can understand my shock when I received a phone call one morning from our Young Women’s President (a mother of one of my other Beehive girls) telling me that Joanne had told her daughter and four other classmates that her father had been sexually abusing her for several years.  Paranoid of adults, Joanne had handled the situation the only way she could—by blurting it out to girls her own age.  Fortunately, one of the girls was so upset by the graphic details Joanne had expressed, she had gone to her mother about it. 

 

What followed is a nightmare that I became personally involved with.  After being taken first to a child abuse shelter and then to a county “satellite” home, Joanne finally ended up in our house as a foster child.  For the next nine months Joanne was subjected to acute pressure from her family to recant her testimony.  Threatening letters and statements came by way of her step-mother and natural mother so as to protect the father from additional charges.  Court dates and hearings were manipulated in such a way as to provide the most possible stress for Joanne.  She was told repeatedly by family members that her father would probably die in prison if she testified and that they had received revelations that she was either lying or had been the aggressor and that, if she did in fact testify, she would never see her half-brother and sister (whom she adored) again.

 

While Joanne grappled with these problems, as well as problems naturally associated with Jr. High and with assimilating herself into a new family, her step-mother and father “lobbied” the Bishop and Stake President.  While Joanne was being threatened with the above-mentioned things, her father was telling the Stake President he was doing everything he could to help support his daughter.  Joanne’s step-mother, who had told the police at the time of her husband’s arrest that he had confessed to being naked with Joanne and fondling her body on a regular basis, went to the Bishop and Stake President on several occasions and told them that she had received a revelation that Joanne was lying.  Because of the father’s refusal to confess the severity of the abuse to Church authorities, no church action was taken at this time.

 

Throughout this whole ordeal, we repeatedly prayed that, in the end, the truth would be made known.  Eventually our prayers were answered--but not without experiencing extreme emotional stress.  I have often thought that, had Joanne not been in our home and received the kind of emotional support that we were able to give her, she most likely would not have come through this experience with her testimony intact.  I believe that she would have felt betrayed and abandoned and would have gone the way of most other sexually abused children.  As I have contemplated this, I have wondered about the countless other children in the Church who either have or are now experiencing the kind of abuse that Joanne experienced.  I wonder, what will become of them?  Will they have someone to lean on as Joanne did?  I also wonder why Joanne and I had to go through what we went through.  Did we ask for this once upon a time, before the world was, with the hope that we could in some way help the daughters of God who would follow us?  If the answer to this questions is yes, then I feel I need to share with you what I have learned; if the answer is no, then I have only wasted a few hours of my time and several minutes of yours.

 

When Joanne first came forward with her story, she was assigned what they call a “crisis social worker” by the Sunnyvale Police Department.  She was a young woman, well trained in dealing with abuse victims.  Unlike most social workers who spend the vast majority of their time filling out government forms and have little energy left to offer emotional support to victims, this woman met with Joanne once a week for an hour to answer any questions she or I had and to offer emotional support.  Because she was an authority on abuse, she was able to help Joanne remember things that had happened while assuring her that it was not her fault and she was not to blame.  This woman was a great help to both Joanne and me.  Of all the county workers to whom Joanne was assigned, she is the only one that Joanne grew close to. 

 

Although this woman was extremely helpful to Joanne, she could not help her with the religious issues that she faced.  For example, Joanne was terrified of being sealed to her father for all eternity.  She also genuinely feared God, supposing him to be like her earthly father.  On several occasions she expressed to me her extreme fear that God would cast her out of his presence because she was “bad.”  She also grappled with the fact that the Church had taught her to tell the truth but had also taught her to honor and obey her parents.  Should she do what her parents wanted her to do or should she tell the truth and risk breaking up her family forever?  All of these questions plagued Joanne.  She needed someone to assure her, to talk with her and to help her learn the answers to these difficult questions.

 

Although I had no previous experience with sexually abused children, I was taught by the Spirit what I should do.  For example, Joanne needed positive physical affection and a lot of it.  I knew that she had never experienced proper physical affection from either of her parents so I hugged her a lot—even though I am not naturally affectionate with those outside my family.  I have since learned that it is this need for human affection that often causes sexually abused children to become promiscuous later in life.  To them even the kind of affection they hate is better than none at all.  Wouldn't it be a blessing if things like this could be taught to those in the church who might be dealing with abuse victims?

 

Another thing I came to realize is that children perceive reality through their experiences within the walls of their own home.  For those who have been abused by a father who is a member of the Priesthood, male church authorities are very frightening.  They naturally think that their Bishop or Stake President will react the same way as they know their father would react.  I understand how important confession to priesthood leaders is and I want it to be understood that I would not want this process changed; but I do feel that because of the fear and nervousness that Joanne felt when she was interviewed by the Stake President, she did not give him a complete and clear understanding of what had happened.  Contrast the brief 15 minute interview in which Joanne was extremely worried that the Stake President would decide to not allow his daughter to associate with her anymore once he knew what had happened (Remember the fears of a 13 year old?) with the multiple calls and interviews with her step-mother and father.  It isn’t surprising that initially the Stake President concluded that the truth was somewhere in between the two accounts. 

 

I believe that it would have been helpful to Church leaders if there had been someone assigned early on to follow this case and report to them what happened in court proceedings and during questioning when Joanne was forced to describe in detailed terms what had gone on.  Neither the Bishop nor the Stake President could risk attending the court proceedings for the legitimate fear of being dragged into the conflict.  I alone attended all the proceedings and I wished there had been another person to witness what went on there.  Because I was emotionally involved in the case, I felt my account of the proceedings would naturally be suspect.  But all in attendance knew who was telling the truth.  There is a witness that comes to the soul when you hear a person speak the truth that is hard to recreate on paper.  Because of the many legal objections that occur during testimony, many things are never recorded in the legal transcript.  Also, additional information that may come out in the sentencing hearing is not available to the public.  I wish the Stake President could have known what was said at Joanne’s father’s hearing.

 

In conclusion, may I set a plan before you.  I believe each stake should have one female member of  Church Social Services who is highly trained in dealing with both physical and sexual abuse victims.  She could train Stake Young Women leaders, Bishops, and Stake Presidents in how to deal compassionately and effectively with victims.  This person would also act as a support person for victims, assigned to them immediately after the accusation had been legitimized.  This would help the victim sort out the moral and religious questions that naturally surface at this time.  This person could also act as a liaison between church leaders and the victim and answer questions if family threats or manipulation comes into play.  Assigning this person to attend at all legal proceedings would not only help the victim feel the support of the Church, but it would also help the Stake President learn important facts that might have a bearing on their role as judge in the matter.  Of course, the ultimate answer as to excommunication must come from the Lord; but, in Joanne’s case, it was my husband and I who, knowing the important and incriminating testimony of Joanne’s step-mother, made arrangements for the Stake President to receive a copy of the court transcript.  The Stake President later told me that this was the deciding factor in finally bringing the case to church court a full five months after Joanne’s father had been sentenced to eight years in prison.

 

 I would like to reiterate that I do not write this letter in an attempt to complain about what Joanne and I went through during this time.  I write only that you might consider the need for some kind of formal Church network for dealing with the needs of young girls who are victims of abuse.  While I was going through this most difficult of experiences, I read an article in the New Era that explained that, while are taught to support our parents even when they are wrong, we should come forward if they are forcing us to engage in activities that we know are morally wrong.  I believe this to be true. But I also believe that as a church we must be ready for the onslaught that will quickly come.  I bear testimony that the Lord wants us to help his precious daughters overcome the effects of this grave sin.

 

Sincerely,

 

Nancy Orton