I was going through some old papers and came across the text of a letter I wrote to Elder Boyd K. Packer of the quorum of the 12 apostles.  I am posting it here as a way of preserving it for historical purposes:

circa 1991

Nancy Orton

10526 Whitney Way

Cupertino, CA  95014

 

Elder Boyd K. Packer

Church Office Building

Salt Lake City, UT

 

Dear Elder Packer,

 

I have been impressed to write to you concerning my experience several years ago with Joanne Fjerstad, a young beehive girl in my Mutual class, who was sexually abused by her father.  Two years ago, I was asked by my Stake President to write a letter relating my experience.  But, at the time, I was not ready emotionally.  It was simply too hard to bring it all up again. 

 

They say that times heals all wounds and time has healed mine.  And so, I write to you with the hope that it will be a catalyst for change.  I am worried that such problems are becoming increasingly prevalent.

 

Joanne came from what I thought was a good Latter-Day Saint home.  Although her parents divorced when she was five because of her mother’s schizophrenia, Joanne appeared to be in good hands.  She attended church regularly, participated as my class president, eagerly shared her many talents, and received good marks at school.  Although her endless giggling and silliness were at times wearing, I loved Joanne and knew she would soon blossom into the kind of girl every Young Women’s teacher dreams of.  I express these feelings so that you can understand my shock when I received a phone call one morning from our Young Women’s President (a mother of one of my other Beehive girls) telling me that Joanne had told her daughter and four other classmates that her father had been sexually abusing her for several years.  Paranoid of adults, Joanne had handled the situation the only way she could—by blurting it out to girls her own age.  Fortunately, one of the girls was so upset by the graphic details Joanne had expressed, she had gone to her mother about it. 

 

What followed is a nightmare that I became personally involved with.  After being taken first to a child abuse shelter and then to a county “satellite” home, Joanne finally ended up in our house as a foster child.  For the next nine months Joanne was subjected to acute pressure from her family to recant her testimony.  Threatening letters and statements came by way of her step-mother and natural mother so as to protect the father from additional charges.  Court dates and hearings were manipulated in such a way as to provide the most possible stress for Joanne.  She was told repeatedly by family members that her father would probably die in prison if she testified and that they had received revelations that she was either lying or had been the aggressor and that, if she did in fact testify, she would never see her half-brother and sister (whom she adored) again.

 

While Joanne grappled with these problems, as well as problems naturally associated with Jr. High and with assimilating herself into a new family, her step-mother and father “lobbied” the Bishop and Stake President.  While Joanne was being threatened with the above-mentioned things, her father was telling the Stake President he was doing everything he could to help support his daughter.  Joanne’s step-mother, who had told the police at the time of her husband’s arrest that he had confessed to being naked with Joanne and fondling her body on a regular basis, went to the Bishop and Stake President on several occasions and told them that she had received a revelation that Joanne was lying.  Because of the father’s refusal to confess the severity of the abuse to Church authorities, no church action was taken at this time.

 

Throughout this whole ordeal, we repeatedly prayed that, in the end, the truth would be made known.  Eventually our prayers were answered--but not without experiencing extreme emotional stress.  I have often thought that, had Joanne not been in our home and received the kind of emotional support that we were able to give her, she most likely would not have come through this experience with her testimony intact.  I believe that she would have felt betrayed and abandoned and would have gone the way of most other sexually abused children.  As I have contemplated this, I have wondered about the countless other children in the Church who either have or are now experiencing the kind of abuse that Joanne experienced.  I wonder, what will become of them?  Will they have someone to lean on as Joanne did?  I also wonder why Joanne and I had to go through what we went through.  Did we ask for this once upon a time, before the world was, with the hope that we could in some way help the daughters of God who would follow us?  If the answer to this questions is yes, then I feel I need to share with you what I have learned; if the answer is no, then I have only wasted a few hours of my time and several minutes of yours.

 

When Joanne first came forward with her story, she was assigned what they call a “crisis social worker” by the Sunnyvale Police Department.  She was a young woman, well trained in dealing with abuse victims.  Unlike most social workers who spend the vast majority of their time filling out government forms and have little energy left to offer emotional support to victims, this woman met with Joanne once a week for an hour to answer any questions she or I had and to offer emotional support.  Because she was an authority on abuse, she was able to help Joanne remember things that had happened while assuring her that it was not her fault and she was not to blame.  This woman was a great help to both Joanne and me.  Of all the county workers to whom Joanne was assigned, she is the only one that Joanne grew close to. 

 

Although this woman was extremely helpful to Joanne, she could not help her with the religious issues that she faced.  For example, Joanne was terrified of being sealed to her father for all eternity.  She also genuinely feared God, supposing him to be like her earthly father.  On several occasions she expressed to me her extreme fear that God would cast her out of his presence because she was “bad.”  She also grappled with the fact that the Church had taught her to tell the truth but had also taught her to honor and obey her parents.  Should she do what her parents wanted her to do or should she tell the truth and risk breaking up her family forever?  All of these questions plagued Joanne.  She needed someone to assure her, to talk with her and to help her learn the answers to these difficult questions.

 

Although I had no previous experience with sexually abused children, I was taught by the Spirit what I should do.  For example, Joanne needed positive physical affection and a lot of it.  I knew that she had never experienced proper physical affection from either of her parents so I hugged her a lot—even though I am not naturally affectionate with those outside my family.  I have since learned that it is this need for human affection that often causes sexually abused children to become promiscuous later in life.  To them even the kind of affection they hate is better than none at all.  Wouldn't it be a blessing if things like this could be taught to those in the church who might be dealing with abuse victims?

 

Another thing I came to realize is that children perceive reality through their experiences within the walls of their own home.  For those who have been abused by a father who is a member of the Priesthood, male church authorities are very frightening.  They naturally think that their Bishop or Stake President will react the same way as they know their father would react.  I understand how important confession to priesthood leaders is and I want it to be understood that I would not want this process changed; but I do feel that because of the fear and nervousness that Joanne felt when she was interviewed by the Stake President, she did not give him a complete and clear understanding of what had happened.  Contrast the brief 15 minute interview in which Joanne was extremely worried that the Stake President would decide to not allow his daughter to associate with her anymore once he knew what had happened (Remember the fears of a 13 year old?) with the multiple calls and interviews with her step-mother and father.  It isn’t surprising that initially the Stake President concluded that the truth was somewhere in between the two accounts. 

 

I believe that it would have been helpful to Church leaders if there had been someone assigned early on to follow this case and report to them what happened in court proceedings and during questioning when Joanne was forced to describe in detailed terms what had gone on.  Neither the Bishop nor the Stake President could risk attending the court proceedings for the legitimate fear of being dragged into the conflict.  I alone attended all the proceedings and I wished there had been another person to witness what went on there.  Because I was emotionally involved in the case, I felt my account of the proceedings would naturally be suspect.  But all in attendance knew who was telling the truth.  There is a witness that comes to the soul when you hear a person speak the truth that is hard to recreate on paper.  Because of the many legal objections that occur during testimony, many things are never recorded in the legal transcript.  Also, additional information that may come out in the sentencing hearing is not available to the public.  I wish the Stake President could have known what was said at Joanne’s father’s hearing.

 

In conclusion, may I set a plan before you.  I believe each stake should have one female member of  Church Social Services who is highly trained in dealing with both physical and sexual abuse victims.  She could train Stake Young Women leaders, Bishops, and Stake Presidents in how to deal compassionately and effectively with victims.  This person would also act as a support person for victims, assigned to them immediately after the accusation had been legitimized.  This would help the victim sort out the moral and religious questions that naturally surface at this time.  This person could also act as a liaison between church leaders and the victim and answer questions if family threats or manipulation comes into play.  Assigning this person to attend at all legal proceedings would not only help the victim feel the support of the Church, but it would also help the Stake President learn important facts that might have a bearing on their role as judge in the matter.  Of course, the ultimate answer as to excommunication must come from the Lord; but, in Joanne’s case, it was my husband and I who, knowing the important and incriminating testimony of Joanne’s step-mother, made arrangements for the Stake President to receive a copy of the court transcript.  The Stake President later told me that this was the deciding factor in finally bringing the case to church court a full five months after Joanne’s father had been sentenced to eight years in prison.

 

 I would like to reiterate that I do not write this letter in an attempt to complain about what Joanne and I went through during this time.  I write only that you might consider the need for some kind of formal Church network for dealing with the needs of young girls who are victims of abuse.  While I was going through this most difficult of experiences, I read an article in the New Era that explained that, while are taught to support our parents even when they are wrong, we should come forward if they are forcing us to engage in activities that we know are morally wrong.  I believe this to be true. But I also believe that as a church we must be ready for the onslaught that will quickly come.  I bear testimony that the Lord wants us to help his precious daughters overcome the effects of this grave sin.

 

Sincerely,

 

Nancy Orton

 

 

 

 

thought on dating

I think the best way to give advice is to share a few things Alysa said to me when I was there:

"One thing that really bugs me is when guys say stuff like, "We should hang out tomorrow."  If they want to go do something they should ask me out in advance instead of assuming that they are the only person in my life right now."

Lesson #1  Ask her out in advance.  Don't think that the relationship is farther along than it is.   

 "I like to do things on dates instead of just talking all the time.  I mean talking is great but I realize that I really like being active."

Lesson #2 Plan something that shows a little imagination or at least some advanced thought. Go hiking [she loves hiking] or snowshoeing [something she has never done but would probably like] instead of just talking. Nature revives her spiritual self and opens her up. 

The next one isn't  a direct quote, but  it is definitely worth mentioning.  When she discovered that her dad and I were taking her to the redwoods and then to a vegetarian restaurant in Capitola for her 26th birthday she cried because it meant so much to her that we noticed what she liked to eat and do.  Neither of us are vegetarians so it meant a lot to her that we were willing to try something different.  

Lesson #3.  Notice the little things she says that let you know things she likes and then surprise her.  She loves little surprises.

"Someday I think I'll write a book about dating and have one chapter about how to get a second date.  Make sure that you do something she's good at because, if you do, she will be relaxed and will have a good time.  Case in point.  I got invited to a painting party and it was great because I was good at it--probably the best one there actually.  But that's not the point.  The point is that I was relaxed and myself."

Lesson #4: If you want someone to feel relaxed around you when you haven't known them very long do something they are good at.  That will give you something to talk about in a natural way.

 "I think I am afraid of getting into a relationship that actually might work.  I find myself pushing away from guys where that could actually happen."

Lesson #5:  This advice is very Alysa specific and there is a very good chance she will try to push you away because she senses that you are someone that in the category of "might work".  I say this because I got the distinct impression that she was talking about you when she said it. You revealed your character in the genuine way you reacted to her "disclaimer" [for lack of a better word] when you first met.  Part of the reason she is afraid is because Alysa wants a family very, very much but is deathly afraid that she isn't going to get it.  She loves kids--they fill her soul--but, because she has been hurt a lot, she has been trying for the last year or so to let go of that desire. But it just isn't in her to be a post-mordern feminist.  Her favorite movie is the new version of Little Women [she could watch that over and over] specifically because she loves the way the movie depicts the caring side of women in a positive light.  Most movies these days don't.  Her very favorite part is when the oldest girl stands up to her sister Jo and says, "Just because my dreams are different from yours doesn't mean that they aren't just as valid."  The other part that makes her cry the most is when Jo breaks down and cries, "I'm so lonely."    Turning 26 was very traumatic  for Alysa.  Never make fun of her for feeling that way, even in jest.  It is one of the few things she is sensitive about.    

 "Mom, I went with Eli a really long time--1-1/2 years--and it completely emptied me. I think I associate long term relationships with that and I don't want that kind of relationship every again.  I did pretty much all the giving and it left me completely spent.  I mean, there were a few times, when I was emotionally and physically spent from working 7 days a weeks and trying to finish painting the murals for the store opening at my apt. half the night, when I broke down and he was really sweet and took me out to get something to eat so I'd feel better.  That meant sooo much to me. You know, the whole time we dated he only gave me flowers once, and that was because it was Valentine's Day and I suggested it to him.   And I even told him that giving gifts is my love language.  I made him dinner almost every night.  He never once made dinner for me.""

Lesson  #6:  With Alysa, little things really do mean a lot. She buys flowers for herself at Trader Joe's every week and puts them in her room.  Nothing fancy.  Just a few daisies or daffodils.  She taught her Dad how to give "just because" flowers to me and checks up on him every so often.

 In Conclusion, I think I should let you know why I took the time to look up your phone number. On the way to the airport I apologized for having to wake her up at 3:30 to take me.  She told me she was glad because she was in the middle of a terrible dream.  She was on the verge of getting into a very toxic relationship with someone she'd taken in because they needed somewhere to stay.  He slept on the couch but after a while, he wanted to move in together.  She didn't want to do it but felt she had to because she needed to show him that she was willing to "really try". She was so happy to wake up and realize that it wasn't real.  I didn't say anything but the dream really unnerved me.  I think it was a warning about her tenancy to be so accommodating and accepting that she ends up becoming something she doesn't fundamentally want to be. When she was talking about her anger towards Eli she said, "Mom he broke me. When I think where I was when we started dating and how hard it is to do things that were so easy then it makes me mad. It's so overwhelming I don't even know if I want to try anymore.  And he doesn't even have a clue that he did that to me."   The bottom line is, Alysa is at a crossroad and you know who always shows up right before something important happens [Adam and Eve right after they were cast out, Joseph Smith kneeling to pray, Moses when he was called to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt]  I'm pretty tired of Satan interfering in my kid's lives. Sometimes I just want to tell him to go to hell.

So that's why I decided to be a fool and text a perfect stranger and see if they wanted a few pointers on dating her.  Thanks for listening. 

I have decided to start a blessing journal.  Today I had a blessing at church.  Lynn Hansen has been a primary teacher for the 11 year olds for 8 years.  She is being released because she is getting a new calling.  I wanted to do something special for her and couldn't think of what to do.  Friday I got the impression to give her flowers so I bought a big bouquet and wrote in a card that I had picked the bouquet because it reminded me of the influence she has had on the many children who have come through her class.  She has helped them to "blossom" into the beautiful spirits that they were born to be.  She was very moved by this and wrote me a sincere thank you.  I was grateful that I followed the impression to give her flowers. . . . 

That We May Be One--Lesson 16

This is actually a topic that I've thought a lot about over the years.  In trying to formulate my lesson for tomorrow, I think what I'll start with is a list of some of my favorite scriptures that have to do with this topic.  Then I can figure out how to incorporate them. . .

1. "Appoint among yourselves a teacher, and let not all be spokesmen at once; but let one speak at a time and let all listen unto his sayings, that when all have spoken that all may be edified of all, and that every man may have an equal privilege." vs. 122
This one is from D&C 88.  The context is the School of the Prophets, which was a class.  But the application is pretty universal.  I actually tend to think of this scripture as being particularly helpful in developing family unity.  I've actually have a couple of experiences lately where we took this approach and in both instances the outcome was the same.  One was a sort of adhoc family night we had a week ago.  My husband we perplexed about scripture and felt impressed to read it to the family and ask each person what they felt it meant.  Because he didn't have an answer in mind, everyone had unfettered input which, in turn, left us feeling more unified as a family.  The other experience was Thursday night when we had 2 young men over to our house and we all shared a scripture from the bible that had particular meaning to them.  It was a unifying experience.  What made this happen was not that we all were the same religion because we weren't.  The reason it was unifying is because everyone was given an unfettered opportunity to share something that brought the spirit and everyone understood and felt listened to.  I think this is an important key in helping us facilitate unity.  When your in a group, a class, a family, whatever.  . . and you have been given a leadership role, the best way to bring divergent people together is by following this Divine advice. 

2.  Scriptures about the unifying effect of unfettered love.
"And above all things, clothe yourselves with the bond of charity, as with a mantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace."  D&C88:125
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. . . . And though I have etc. . . and have not charity, I am nothing.  And though I bestow all . . . and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. . . And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity." 1 Corinthians 13
"[C]leve unto charity, which is the greatest of all for all things must fail--but charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him."  Moroni 7:46-7

The older I get, the more convinced I am that the primary thing we are to learn from our experience in this life is Love.  These scriptures basically say that, if you really think about it.  I have discovered that when I feel the most Love for someone,  I naturally do things that lead to greater unity.  This may seem very obvious; but, it hasn't always been that obvious to me.  As I've pondered this lesson, I was led back to an experience I had as a freshman at BYU.  I wrote about it in my journal, which was fortuitous because I would never have remembered this experience accurately if I hadn't.  I lived in the dorm one semester with a girl who was very hard to live with.  On my floor was a Catholic girl who had come to BYU to study dance.  She had a very odd roommate.  We met because our resident, wanting I'm sure to have this non-member girl have a good experience, suggested that we switch rooms and become roommates.  That would put the other two girls together.  Colleen and I talked it over and decided that we should stay where we were because, basically, we thought we could be a good influence on our problem-ridden roommates.  I thought I was doing a pretty good job of this until one day when my roommate left her journal out and I decided to read it because I wanted to know if I was having a positive effect on her.  Right after I read it, I was so upset that I wrote my feelings down in my journal.  She described me as "insincere" and someone "who didn't care about her at all."  I also discovered that one day when I'd given her some advice when she was feeling down, that she said that I didn't listen to her and that I just told her what to do.  So, my defense I listed all the things I had done, like getting dressed without the light on, studying in the hall, putting up with the rude way she spoke to my friends if they called me after 9:00.  I read what I wrote to my husband, and his comment was that I sounded like a self-righteous 17 year old girl.  He was right.  So, what drew me back to this experience and what does it have to do with the subject of unity?  Well, there wasn't any unity there.  After I got all my "righteous indignation" (I say that in parentheses) out, I was faced with her words and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was right.  When it all boiled down to it, we shared a very small room.  That was it.  So I decided to try a different approach.  I invited her to a little dinner a few of us were putting together and she came and had a good time.  I stopped commiserating with Colleen about our roommates.  I began to notice what was going on in her life.  If you'd asked me at the time, I don't think I would have recognized that I changed.  Probably because it started as an "approach."  But, over time, I did change the way I saw Tere and I did come to care about her and, in the end, I think she knew that.  What I learned looking back on this is that "love is a doing thing" (my branch president always said that and I didn't understand what he was talking about.), that practicing love ends up changing us, and that love tends to breed unity because it sends a message to the other person that they have value.

3.  "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. . . And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee.  Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.. . .for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth.  Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; that they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us:  that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.  And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me."  Various verses from John 17.

These words are from The Great Intercessory Prayer that Christ prayed the night of the Last Supper, after Judas had departed.  I used to read verse 3 much differently.  I thought it was about the importance of coming to know God in the intellectual sense of the word.  After reading this verse in its context over many years, I have come to see it differently.  If you think about it, the word "know", in the biblical sense of the word, can mean "to be one with."  Read that way, the verse is a key to understanding what we need to do experience eternal life.  When we follow Christ's example and align our will to His as he aligned His will to that of his Father and become one with them as they are one, we will experience eternal life.  I think that is a wonderful promise.  I find it challenging, and yet promising.

Later in this group of scriptures is the thought that Lorenzo Snow so eloquently states about how we show the world that truth of His gospel.  He was praying for is duly appointed leaders of His church.  His desire was that they be unified as He and the Father were unified as a witness to the world that the Gospel is true.  That shows how powerful unity is.

4.  " My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened. Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin."  D&C 64:8-9

The only way we can become unified is if we freely forgive when others trespass against us.  Holding on to a past offense cuts us off from spiritually connecting to that person.  I can't think of one example where that isn't the case.

5.  "And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another."  Mosiah 18:21

"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is o f the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.  Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away."  3 Nephi 29:30

"And in the fifty and first year of the reign of the judges there was peace also, save it were the pride which began to enter into the church--not the church of God, but into the hearts of the people who professed to belong to the church of God--and they were lifted up in pride, even to the persecution of many of their brethren.  Now this was a great evil which did cause the more humble part of the people to suffer great persecutions, and to wade through much affliction.  Nevertheless they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."  Helaman 3:33-35

 These passages all speak of the corrosive effect that contention has on us, both individually and collectively.  I especially like the last one.  Maybe because it give me the antidote.  It's inevitable that we will face similar situations.  These situations will take fasting and prayer, humility and faith. The promise is unity with our Father in Heaven (ie. purification and sanctification of our hearts.)  This shows me that this is the real unity we should strive for.  If we develop unity with our Heavenly Father, we will be unified with others who are striving for the same thing.

"With God All Things Are Possible"

Stories about oceans have been swirling about my mind this past month.  I think the catalyst for this was reading a story at the beginning of the lesson about when Lorenzo Snow was on his way to serve a mission in England.  He  and his fellow travelers were on a ship, crossing the Atlantic, when a terrible storm arose.  He did not fear because he knew he was on the Lord's errand.  In recalling that experience later, he stated, "My trust was in Him who created the seas and defined their bounds. .  .and, although the elements raged and the ship swayed and trembled amid the heaving billows, He [God] was at the helm, and my life was safe in His keeping."


This story led my mind to the story of Peter walking on the water.  My first thought was, now that's a story that reflects that "with God all things are possible."  Here's the text from Matthew 14:25:
"And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.  And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, "It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear."  But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, "Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid."  And Peter answered him and said, "Lord, if it is thou, bid me come unto thee on the water."  And he [Jesus] said, "Come."  And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.  But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, "Lord, save me."  And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, "O thou of little faith, wherefore [i.e. why] dids't thou doubt?"

All month those two stories hung out in the back of my mind. . . .

. . . then, my family went overnight camping for my daughter's birthday. As I left our house, I grabbed an old copy of John H. Groberg's book, "In the Eye of the Storm", thinking that it might be fun to read one of the chapters aloud as a bedtime story.  I had forgotten how much I like that book.  About a week ago, the book was lying on my nightstand and I picked it up and started reading the first chapter.  It's the story about when, after having a particularly successful day preaching the gospel, they are on their way back to their island and a storm arises.  When the weather first turned bad, Elder Groberg's comments  in the book seem a lot like President Snow's.  He wrote, " The captain expressed concern as he noted the heavy storm clouds ahead.  I told him not to worry, as we were on the Lord's errand.  I reminded him that many people had heard and believed our testimonies.  We were now on our way home, and He would surely protect us the rest of the way.  The captain said that the storm was directly in our path and seemed to be coming toward us; he even suggested that we turn back to the last island.   I again told him not to worry. . . "  But the story ended different than President Snow's.  Instead of weathering the storm the boat that Elder Groberg was in capsized.  He writes, "As I flew through the air, I remember thinking, "This can't be happening!  This isn't right!  Where's our protection?"  My whole life seemed to flash before me in that instant.  It was not a pleasant--or unpleasant--sensation, just factual.  Somewhere between my bruised confidence and temporary complaining, I felt a distant assurance that gave me an element of peace." He goes on to tell how he survived .  Some of his statements stood out to me.  For example, as he fell down into the water, he described the pressure as being "unbearable."  When he finally resurfaced he said that he "could see no one and hear nothing but the confused sounds of a swirling sea of madness."  When he thought about his predicament he felt, "This can't be!  This isn't true!  I'm  a missionary; this isn't supposed to happen!  I'm not supposed to swim!"  Finally he realized that he was there, and had "better quit complaining and start swimming."  He realized that he "could not spare one ounce of effort in complaining or wondering" because he "needed to conserve all [his] energy to swim, and breathe, and keep [his]head above water."

Three stories about the ocean.  All are about deliverance and, while clearly different, they are all fundamentally the same.   The title of the lesson is, "With God all Things are Possible."

The story about Peter is probably the most striking example that with God all things are possible.  Walking on water is not scientific in a human sense.  To be honest, I can't really wrap my head around the idea.  But it happened because his faith in the Savior unlocked within him the divine ability to overcome physical laws.

The story teaches several important truths.
1.  Faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ, enables one to accomplish things that would be impossible to accomplish alone.
2.  Keeping our eye single to His glory, or in other words focused squarely on Him, enables us to feel peace and keep moving forward no matter what chaos exists around us.
 3.  Fear makes us weak.
 4.  When we call out to him in our extremity, He will "immediately stretch forth his hand, and [catch] us.

The stories about Lorenzo Snow and John Groberg are interesting to compare because in many ways their experiences were similar.

Similarities between Lorenzo Snow's experience and John Groberg's:
1.  Both had faith.
2.  Both were on the Lord's errand.
3.  Both were accompanied by those they felt were doubters.
4.  Both felt peace amid the chaos around them.
5.  Both were preserved.

Differences:
1.  The storm increased in intensity and capsized the boat Elder Groberg was in.
2.  Elder Groberg had to exert all his effort to keep from drowning and swim to shore.

Elder Groberg, looking back after many years, made the following observation:
"I have thought a lot about that experience.  God was with us.  He saved us.  He could have brought us through the storm unscathed and landed us safely in our home port of Pangai.  But for some reason, He chose otherwise.  I have heard it said that sometimes the Lord calms the storm, and sometimes He lets that storm rage and calms His child.   I don't know why the storm came, why we got caught in it, or why things went the way they did; but I do know we eventually arrived home safely.  No matter the trouble, we were safe and alive and had experienced firsthand His saving grace." That last line deserves to be spoken twice. 

He went on to state:  "So often in life we think that because we have done things in a certain way, certain results should follow.  But life is like the ocean.  Sometimes we get caught in squalls and storms and things don't go the way we think they should, even when we think we have done right.  But God can find us in the eye of a storm and give us courage to swim in rough water.  We learn lessons from storms that we cannot learn from calm seas. . . .  When we find ourselves in these squalls or storms, we should remember we don't have enough energy to complain and still keep our head above water.  Our duty is to swim, not wonder or complain.  We need to get to shore and must leave the reasons for the storm with the Lord.  If all the effort we put into asking "why" were used in swimming, a lot more of us, with His help, would reach shore. . . "

With God's help, we can do anything required of us.

There are a lot of examples from the scriptures that support this statement.  In fact, as I've thought about it, it seems that this is one of the great reoccurring themes.   It seems pretty clear to me that God desires that we understand that He will help us to accomplish whatever He asks of us.

Some things that come to mind are as follows:
1.  Enoch, when called by the Lord to preach repentance didn't feel qualified at all.  His response is recorded in Moses 6:31 and the Lord's answer to that response is in 6:32.

 "And when Enoch had heard these words, he bowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying, "Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?"  And the Lord said unto Enoch:  "Go forth and do as I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee.  Open thy mouth, and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good."

2.  Moses, had self doubts as well when he was called by the Lord to go to Egypt.  In Exodus 4:10-12 it states, "And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not elogquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto they servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue."  And the Lord said unto him, "Who hath made man's mouth?  or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord?  Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say."   When Moses still doubted the Lord provided a mouthpiece for him in the form of his brother, Aaron.  Moses then went as did what he was "taught" (see vs. 15) and what transpired for the next 40 years was a generation that was literally shown that "with God nothing is impossible."

3.  Nephi, when asked to return to Jerusalem to get the brass plates from a very difficult person to deal with replied in 1 Nephi 3:7, "I will go and do what the Lord hath commanded for I know that the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men save he shall prepare a way that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."  It took a couple of tries on their own, before God miraculously came to Nephi's aid as he went forth,"not knowing beforehand the things which [he] should do" (4:6).

4.  Nephi built a ship when he'd never learned anything about ship building.  I love what he said to his brothers when they taunted him.  "If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done.  And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles amoung the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?" (17:50-51)

In the manual, there is an excerpt from a talk President Snow gave in which he gave an example of a man who decided not to do what the Lord asked of him.  Here is the story from the 19th chapter of Matthew (vs 16,1822):

"And, behold, one came and said unto him [Jesus], "Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life." . . . Jesus said, "Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not stead, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Honor thy  father and thy mother; and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."  The young man saith unto him, "All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet."  Jesus said unto him, "If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven; and come and follow me."  But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful; for he had great possessions."

There is a lot to learn from this story.  It really isn't about how hard it is for rich people to get to heaven.  The rich man is no different from all of us.  His question was specific, "What lack I yet?"  Jesus understood this.  If and when each of us ask this question in prayer, our answer will be personal.   He will ask us to do that which is the very hardest for us to do because it's really the only way that we learn that the only way to truly be free is to give our life willingly and completely to God.  That concept is hard because it just doesn't make sense to the "natural man."   (It's like the story of the warm fuzzies that goes around girl's camps every summer.  The people are all happy because they freely give out warm fuzzies.  Then bad guy enters and tells them if they keep giving away warm fuzzies they will end up without any for themselves.  And we all know what happened . .  .)  So, what's the important question to ask with regard to this story?  Well, I'd say that it would be, "What did this man give up?"  It's in the invitation that Christ made to him.  "Come and follow me."   How did Jesus invite his disciples?  This man was given the invitation to become intimately acquainted with  the Son of God.  If I'm not mistaken, the invitation is there for us as well.  Jesus understood how difficult it is for us to give up those worldly things (or desires or habits or whatever) when he said, "With men this is impossible [to do]."  But He didn't end there.  He added, "but, with God all things are possible."

That's where the title of this lesson comes from.  I thought it came from the story about the father and his son.  When the father asked the Savior to help, he answered, "If thou cans't believe, all things are possilbe to him that believeth."  (Mark 9:23)  That's more a story about faith in the sense of believing.  The story about the rich man is more about faith in the sense of action--to do, to sacrifice, etc.

God has promised to help us in our personal efforts to live the gospel.

Before the class starts, I think I will place a piece of paper on each chair with the words, "With God all things are possible" written on it.  During this part of the lesson, I would like people to share what that phrase means to them personally.  This part of the lesson is about the quiet aid that we receive from heaven as we try to overcome our weaknesses and learn to live the gospel better.  These include the "tiny miracles"--the "tender mercies" that we can receive on a daily basis.  I hope that members of the class will share some personal experiences about how they have felt God's help to live better.

Quotes from Lorenzo Snow:
"No man or woman should be discouraged when they feel that they cannot complete what they would like to perform, but we all should do what we can toward carrying out the grand work for which we are here."

"In and of ourselves we cannot possibly comply with all the commandments that God has given unto us.  Jesus himself could not without divine aid from His Father accomplish His work. . . [I]f it was necessary for Him, our Lord, to have divine assistance, [we] will find it all the more improtant to receive His assistance.  And in every circumstance and condition surrounding the Latter-day Saints, while in the performace of their duties, they are entitled to supernatural aid from the Holy Spirit, to help in the various conditions surrounding them, and in the duties that they are required to perform."

When we participate in God's work, we need God's help.

This last section is similar to the previous thought.  I think the point they want us to consider is that we shouldn't forget to Ask for divine assistance and Receive it.  How often does the ask-seek-knock invitation appear in scripture?  Maybe it's because it's important.

"This work in which you and I are engaged can only prosper and be forwarded through the blessings of God upon our faithful and honest exertions and our determination to accomplish the labors for which we have come into this existence.  When we look back upon the through which we have passed, we easily understand that our prosperity has been dependent upon our honest endeavors to accomplish the work of God, to labor in the interest of the people, and to rid ourselves as far as possible of selfishness.  This having been so in the past, we can well believe that our future progress will depend upon our determination to do the will of God under all circumstances [think about the rich man] and the aid which He shall give to us." --Lorenzo Snow


"[T]he Lord's promise to us personally is that if we do what is right, He will give us peace no matter what the environment.  I know that to be true.  That peace may not come in the way we think or how, where, or when we think, but in the eternal scheme of things, it will come in the way best for us and we will yet praise His name for things we do not now understand." --John H. Groberg